“I Like Your Defiant Spirit” — Words from a Former Manager
Before organisational restructuring took place at my most recent workplace, my direct manager was Miranda (pseudonym), who was based at our European headquarters. She often told me that she liked my defiant spirit — my willingness to push back when I believed something mattered.
She, too, was someone with a strong personal philosophy. Not in any grand or ideological sense, but rather in the quiet, practical way required to operate in a multinational environment. She consistently tried to share with me what she saw as the essential mindset needed in such settings.
She would often say things like this:
“It’s not enough to do only what you’re told. You also need to take initiative and do the things no one has explicitly asked for.”
“Even if you’re told not to do something, if you genuinely believe it’s necessary for the Japanese business, you should say so clearly — and act on it.”
Miranda and I worked as one. In that sense, she reminds me of Akihide, whom I mentioned earlier.
At some point in life, I believe most people encounter someone who truly recognises them. Carefully uncovering and revisiting those memories can be a powerful way to steady oneself when confidence has been shaken.
There may well be more such encounters ahead. Whether they become meaningful experiences, I now feel, depends largely on how I choose to engage with life from here on.
Family and Genetics Do Not Decide a Life — You Can Choose Again
I have touched on this briefly before, but during my period of rest I read a great many books in an effort to understand the root causes of my difficulty in living.
I am neither a psychiatrist nor a psychologist, so I cannot explain these ideas in any technical depth. Still, when I encountered the view that family and genetics are influential factors, but not determining ones, it felt as though my eyes had been opened.
By now, the years I have spent supporting myself as an adult have exceeded the time I was sustained by the family I was born into. During that time, as I have described in this chapter, I have been shaped in profound ways by complete strangers — people of different generations, social positions, cultures, and languages.
If I am facing a major obstacle in my life now, perhaps its cause does not lie solely in the environment in which I was raised. Perhaps it lies instead in my own capacities and limitations as the adult I am today.
It is true that my family placed a heavy burden on me. But the question of how to respond to that burden, and how I choose to live from here on, is something I believe I can decide for myself.
Finding the Courage to Act — Words I Encountered Through Treatment
During my visits, I heard many thoughtful and illuminating remarks from doctors and counsellors. Among them, the one that has stayed with me most deeply was about courage.
It is perhaps a classic example of something that is easy to talk about, but far harder to put into practice.
If we choose to live freely, guided by our own will, responsibility inevitably falls back on us. For many people, that burden is frightening enough to prevent them from taking even a single step forward. Whether consciously or not, remaining within the environment we have been given can feel like the safer option — and perhaps this, too, is simply part of human nature.
When I collided with a major obstacle in my life, I was fortunate enough to recognise its underlying cause. And I came to realise that, if I could summon the courage to accept both my past and my present, and take a step forward, it might be possible to live a new life.
A Family Beginning to Change — A Partner Turning Inward
For a long time, I struggled with the differences in values between my partner and me.
After I accepted my past and began to live a new life, I started to notice subtle changes in my partner’s words and behaviour as well. They became more reflective, and began to look back on their own life with a more introspective eye.
In time, this inward turn led my partner to make a significant decision of their own.
The Next Chapter — About My Partner
From the next chapter onwards, I will write about my partner and their family.
